Wednesday, 11 January 2012

My New Year's Resolution

I know that my New Year's Resolution should be to lose weight or spend more time house cleaning, or go to yoga or whatever is the regular stuff to resolve to do.

But .... nah....

Last year I had two New Year's Resolution. 

One was to learn how to Macrame.

Check!

The other was to force myself into situations that make me anxious in the hopes the I could desensitize myself to it.

Check! Sorta...

I forced myself to apply for, and actually go to the Ted X Manitoba conference. 

I knew that I was going to have to deal with a ton of strangers in a new city and actually trust a complete stranger with my valve replacement heart surgery - the ultimate in social anxiety fears!

I forced myself to go out and meet people, go to meetings, plan and be social at Logan's birthday party, do craft shows.

But did it desensitize me?



Nope.

In fact, all that stress brought back the ulcer in my stomach that I had in university.

:(

So this year, what is my resolution?

It's to just STOP IT.

I didn't apply to go to the Ted X Manitoba conference this year.

I'm not going to any meetings.  I'm not going to force myself to meet new people. 

I don't have to worry about having surgery in a strange city and trusting all those strangers.

I might do a couple of craft shows because I'm getting better at not stressing over those. 

And I'm going to be forced into some situations that I can't avoid - like birthday parties, I'm got to find a new family doctor (which means interviewing a bunch of them) and later in the year I might be looking to get a part time job (another ultimate stressor for people with social anxiety!).

I will just STOP IT though. I just want this year to be peaceful.  I'm tired and worrying about every little thing. 

Logan will be going to grade one and Lane will be starting pre-school.  Both things that I am familiar with and won't have to worry about too much. 

So this is the year!  The year where I allow myself to stay home and relax.

Either that or in 6 months if I haven't been able to let go of some of this anxiety, I'll look at a chemical fix (gotta find a good family doctor first! ACK!)  I really don't want to do that... and I'll probably stress so much about it that it won't do any good.

Gah...

Just STOP IT!


_______

Does anyone else make any New Year's Resolutions?  Does anyone even do that anymore?

1 comment:

This Mom said...

Good for you! I think relaxing is a great idea! I am totally stressed right now because I am going to have about 8 adults in my class next Tuesday (including my principal and 2 people from the Ministry of Education) watching me teach a lesson. Yikes! But if the desensitizing thing isn't working for you then I think it's great that you just stop putting yourself in those situations.


I saw tons of blog posts last week about people's New Year's resolutions, but I don't really make any formal ones.

Thanks for always being so supportive over at This Mom Loves!