Saturday, 30 April 2011

Secret Mommyhood Confession Saturday #6

If I hadn't been born with a heart defect and gone through open heart surgery when I was 3 years old, I wouldn't be the mommy that I am today.

Ok, maybe that isn't a big secret. But sometimes I need to remind myself of this when I get to complaining about not having enough energy to keep up with the kids, or not being able to shake my control freakishness.

My dad found this article that was published in the Lethbridge Herald in 1981 after I had my first open heart surgery. Some of the article is a bit inaccurate (I had my surgery in Edmonton, not Calgary as it states on the photo. And I never did wear any funky pad thing over my pacemaker while I played).

This is the single most life altering event in my life. Most of my personality was shaped by this. I was small, helpless, I barely had language down when doctors performed surgery to save my life. Being out of control has formed my brain into supreme control freak. Perfect for being a mommy of 2 rambunctious, super smart children.

I was told for many years after this surgery (until I was in my late teens in fact) that I shouldn't think about having kids. Too dangerous with my condition. When I was told by my high risk obstetrician that I could try, all these hidden emotions came back to me. I really wanted to be a mommy. This experience of thinking that I would be childless made my first pregnancy extra special and overwhelming. When docs said I was strong enough to have a second child, that pregnancy was equally as special and overwhelming.

After years and years of thinking that I would never feel what it was like to have a child grow inside of me, or kick, or wiggle, I felt so blessed and strong to be able to go through it - twice! I vowed that I would be the best mommy I could be no matter what because all of this wasn't even supposed to happen to me.

So whenever I get down, or tired and complain about having to go through doctor's appointments or pacemaker adjustments or healing after valve surgery, I need to remember this: I wouldn't be the mommy I am today without having gone through all of this hoopla.

I am truly blessed and lucky to be a mommy and I will love, nurture and teach my 2 little miracles for as long as I have breathe in me.


I'm sharing this confession with the lovely Kim at All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something. Check out all the other confessions there, and write your own to link up!



Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing this perspective. You amaze me, as always.

Kimberly said...

That is incredible. The leaps and bounds you had to overcome. Amazing. And those babes of yours? Miracles for sure.